The worst thing in the world is getting to the bra just behind a group of four women out for a drink.

With four blokes it's two pints of this and two pints of that no problem. Sorted.

With women, well:

Barman to four women out for a drink together: 'What it'll be then girls?'

Claire: 'Oh, I'll have a vodka and coke please. Oh, make that a diet coke 

Barman goes off, barman returns: 'Here we are then'

Claire: 'Oh can I have some ice with that'

He goes off. He returns.

Claire:  'Oh, can I have another lump please?'

Barman goes off and returns.

Claire: 'Sheila? Can I get you a drink?'

Sheila: 'Oh, no, I tell you what, me and Joe have just bought a kitchen from kitchen express and I've got to watch my pennies, so I think I'll stay in a round by myself if you don't mind.'

Claire: 'No, I quite understand. I'm a bit skint myself this month what with the car breaking down and the new telly we bought, you know from Dixons, in the high street'

Sheila: 'Can I have a half of lager shandy please?'

Barman: 'What sort of lager.'

Sheila 'Oh, hmmm, let me see now, Fosters. No Heineken.'

Barman goes off, he returns.

Sheila: 'Oh, can I have a splash more lemonade than that please?'

Barman goes off, he returns.

Claire: 'Grace, what are you having?'

Grace: 'Oh! I 'm not sure. Let me think, oh, love your bracelet by the way is that new?'

Claire: 'Yes, I bought it yesterday down the market, pretty isn't it and only twenty quid.'

Grace: 'Never! I think I'll have a tequila sunrise, only with whisky instead of tequila and orange instead of raspberry cordial, and one lump of ice, not two'

Barman goes off, barman returns.

Claire: 'Connie, can I get you one?'

Connie: 'Oh! Yes, that'd be nice.'

Long Pause,

Eventually Claire prompts : 'So what is it you'd like Connie?'

Connine: 'Oh! I don't know. Um, let me see, I'm driving later on so I'd better not have anything too alchoholic, um a cup of coffee would be nice?'

Barman goes off and, having had to put the kettle on, wait for it to boil, get a tiny cup and a tiny saucer, with a tiny spoon and two packets of tiny real sugar and two tiny packets of low calorie sweetener balanced around a tiny carton of UHT milk and a poxy little tiny biscuit returns thirty minutes later.

Barman: 'That it ladies?'

Heads bob collectively, though one looks unsure.

Barman to Claire: 'That'll be five pounds thirty for you madam'

Barman to Sheila: 'and two pounds fifty for you madam'

Claire: 'Have you got change of a Hundred?'

Sheila: 'Can I pay by credit card?'

Finally you elbow them aside and reach the bar, parched and desperate.

Barman: 'Time please Ladies and Gentlemen! Go on piss off I'm closing'

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

This is not a joke.

This actually happened to me last summer.

I kid you not.

yechydda,

 


Comments
on Mar 04, 2004
"The worst thing in the world is getting to the bra..."



I beg your pardon? Well OK then Braman, here's what I want...

I'll have a Snakebite with Strongbow and Harp... Your pints ARE Imperial pints aren't they? And whatever the parched little guy over there in the raincoat, wants... to go along with his crinkled bag of Asian poofs.

yechydda ;o)

on Mar 04, 2004
You haven't met me and the girls I hang out with. We don't even have to order. When they see us enter the building they start pouring before we've even had a chance to sit down. They get all our orders right, every time. Oh, and your order comes next, after ours.
on Mar 04, 2004
Nicky,

Glad to see you've also been to Chinatown.

Happy Lucky Goodtime you.

Take care Nikcyji,

yechydda,
on Mar 04, 2004
Nicky,

Marry me.

yechydda,