Dear all,

Er, hello there.

Arch angel Gabriel here.

Now listen up old chaps, I'm afraid that God has a little bad news for all of you that believe in him and that when you die you'll go to heaven.

The thing is, you see, well Gods asked me to say he's dead chuffed at you lot having faith in him etcetera, but there's a wee bit of a technical problem with all this living in heaven stuff.

He can't imagine how you lot overlooked it with all those bible thumpers out there. But he made it as plain as a pikestaff that there was room in heaven for only 144,000 people.

And they were all safely tucked inside by AD120.

It's all there in revelations seven.

So you see, the big G up there has asked me to tell you that it would be cool if you carried on being nice to each other, but there's simply no room at the inn so's to speak.

So you might as well stop all that candle burning and those awful, dreary hymn sessions of a Sunday morning and spend that one hour a week down the pub like we do or mowing the lawn or something.

Okay?

Well, sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings, but God had no idea that you little buggers would be at it like rabbits when he built heaven.

So, tough luck and all that, must dash, it's Saint Patricks birthday and we always get really mullered on Paddys day.

Toodelpip.

(Vanishes in a clap of thunder and a puff of smoke)

yechydda